Lived in: Leaving and Growing up.

So…

I’m leaving.

I mean, the only people who read this are my parents and they know, so I figured I’d put it here.

Living alone overseas is hard. I didn’t realise how hard it would be until I thought about leaving. And coming home. And seeing my friends again. my family again. my dog again. So maybe I’m weak because I’m returning early. But I also know myself. And I know that I don’t have to continue to do something that I believe to be damaging to my mental health. and I don’t have to do something that is making me sad. I’m lucky enough that I have this option. I know not everyone does, but I do.

Then, when I return, I’ll have to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Ultimately I’d like to live in limbo and not have to decide ever and spend my days crafting and hanging out with my friends. But unfortunately that’s not viable.

Wanted: someone to do to Disneyland with me this week. Must like Disney (obvs) and must be prepared to hang out with me.

Get Reading. Get Travelling.

Ash

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Lived in: On Giving Up Versus Quitting.

I’ve been thinking about what constitutes giving up, and what constitutes quitting, or resigning. With one, there is the implication that you didn’t try hard enough, that you couldn’t be bothered. Whereas resigning holds the idea that there was nothing left to do.

The last thing I finished that wasn’t a book, or a film was a 6 month TAFE course for Aged Care. After I’d given up on two uni courses. So yeah, I don’t finish things. And now, I’m thinking of coming home early. The biggest thing that was holding me back from saying it was that I didn’t want to give up. I didn’t want to fail on this one thing in my life that I was excited about.

And my mum told me what I needed to hear. She told me that I wasn’t a failure. That I wasn’t giving up. And I started to realise that she was right. I tried this lifestyle, but since I am in a position to be happy in my life, since I don’t have to grab any job that comes my way with both hands, I don’t have to make this work.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving up, I’m just recognising that ending early doesn’t mean failure. It means progression.

Get Reading. Get Travelling.

Ash

Lived in| Passive Growth Vs Active Growth.

A two weeks ago I started thinking about myself and what I want to get out of this trip overseas. I started comparing myself to fictional characters.

Often, fictional characters are thrown into situations and in order to get out of them, they have to grow and become better, either mentally, or physically. They need to master a skill or they need to change their attitude to win the girl. The stories that stick with us are the ones where the character changes.

So I’ve been thinking of myself. Do I want to go about like a character waiting for the situation to dictate my change? or do I want actively seek out situations that will cause me to grow up and become the person I would like to be at the end of this trip. Passive growth isn’t working. I still have no friends, and I’m still just stumbling around pretending everything’s alright.

So things are going to change, not necessarily too much with this blog, but with me. I’m going to start actively seeking out opportunities for growth. This means getting into uncomfortable situations. But this does not mean doing anything I do not want to do. If I want to find a partner, I can’t go around expecting it to just happen, I need to actively go to places where other people are also looking and I need to be open to opportunities that come my way.

If I want to get fit, I need to eat better and actually exercise, because this idea of closing my eyes and waiting for a wish just isn’t working. I told someone recently that I liked the idea of being a runner, but didn’t want to put in the effort to actually go running. Which is just laziness. If I want active growth I am going to have to start running. Great.

Get Reading. Get Travelling. Get Growing.

Ash

 

Lived In: I am a Different Person with Internet.

I am a different person with internet. I spend so much more time watching Netflix than I did when I hadn’t any. I used to sit on the couch and read. Now I sit on my bed and watch. Some of it, I know, is just because I haven’t had internet and I’m blowing off steam, but I don’t want to be that person who’s antisocial and spends all her time in her room. I’m better than that now. I don’t want it to stop me from experiencing this tiny village I’m in.

Dont get me wrong, I’m very glad I get to test what threes “all you can eat data” limit is. I was just beginning to like who I was with pretentious superiority.

In other news. I’m reading the on everything physical book I brought with me. I love The Martian. (By Andy Weir, you should all go out and buy a copy)

Get Reading. Get Travelling.

Ash

Lived In: 20-03-2017 || Homesickness

IMG_9692
Curtesy of me. Featuring My-Dad-The-Dork and Kira-the-unphotographable.

Homesickness is a bitch.

It hits you when you least expect it,

when you’re already down.

It is the leg sweep,

the gut punch

and the king hit.

It is your insecurities

Whispering

you don’t belong here

go back to where you came from

Outside

Foreigner

other

Don’t listen to it.

Sooner or later,

Probably sooner,

you’ll have more things to worry about.

Sooner or later,

probably later,

it will give up

and move on to something else.

Get Reading. Get Travelling.

Ash