Lived in: Leaving and Growing up.

So…

I’m leaving.

I mean, the only people who read this are my parents and they know, so I figured I’d put it here.

Living alone overseas is hard. I didn’t realise how hard it would be until I thought about leaving. And coming home. And seeing my friends again. my family again. my dog again. So maybe I’m weak because I’m returning early. But I also know myself. And I know that I don’t have to continue to do something that I believe to be damaging to my mental health. and I don’t have to do something that is making me sad. I’m lucky enough that I have this option. I know not everyone does, but I do.

Then, when I return, I’ll have to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Ultimately I’d like to live in limbo and not have to decide ever and spend my days crafting and hanging out with my friends. But unfortunately that’s not viable.

Wanted: someone to do to Disneyland with me this week. Must like Disney (obvs) and must be prepared to hang out with me.

Get Reading. Get Travelling.

Ash

Lived in| Passive Growth Vs Active Growth.

A two weeks ago I started thinking about myself and what I want to get out of this trip overseas. I started comparing myself to fictional characters.

Often, fictional characters are thrown into situations and in order to get out of them, they have to grow and become better, either mentally, or physically. They need to master a skill or they need to change their attitude to win the girl. The stories that stick with us are the ones where the character changes.

So I’ve been thinking of myself. Do I want to go about like a character waiting for the situation to dictate my change? or do I want actively seek out situations that will cause me to grow up and become the person I would like to be at the end of this trip. Passive growth isn’t working. I still have no friends, and I’m still just stumbling around pretending everything’s alright.

So things are going to change, not necessarily too much with this blog, but with me. I’m going to start actively seeking out opportunities for growth. This means getting into uncomfortable situations. But this does not mean doing anything I do not want to do. If I want to find a partner, I can’t go around expecting it to just happen, I need to actively go to places where other people are also looking and I need to be open to opportunities that come my way.

If I want to get fit, I need to eat better and actually exercise, because this idea of closing my eyes and waiting for a wish just isn’t working. I told someone recently that I liked the idea of being a runner, but didn’t want to put in the effort to actually go running. Which is just laziness. If I want active growth I am going to have to start running. Great.

Get Reading. Get Travelling. Get Growing.

Ash